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Finding Freedom in Your Own Body
A few weeks ago I joined Clubhouse after swearing I wasn’t going to do it because I am team Android. Many of the business womxn I know told me it was made for me and my message. I got on and whoa! It was like the damn Wild West on this Clubhouse streets. I was not impressed and was really ready to chuck the duces and keep it moving. After more exploration and really cultivating my interest, I think I kinda got the hang of it now.
A few days into my journey I ran across a room for photographers and decided to join because the title of the room was Purpose and Positivity in Photography. I listened for a while and then decided to get bold and raise my hand to go on stage. I did this because representation matters. As I recall there was only one person of color on the stage. I got on stage talked my shit, answered a question or two, and left.
I received so many messages and follows after this. Amazing messages thanking me for getting on stage and how much it meant to see me there. I was even invited to be apart of a podcast! There will be times when you are uncertain about what you are going to say, but you know you need to speak up. Always speak up, because you never know who is listening and who you inspire.
LISTEN TO THE PODCAST EPISODE HERE:
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The Negus Project: Marcus
The Negus Project: Marcus – Let Niggas Be Gay
Creating safe spaces for Black women and femmes comes naturally to me. I see myself in each womxn I am able to connect with. I am a reflection of their strength, beauty, and sensuality. There is a major shift for Black womxn healing and creating their own narrative. That shift also needs to happen for Black men.
Black men should be allowed to show their vulnerability, sensuality and beauty in safe places. Meet Marcus or as I like to call him baby fava. He is an amazing home chef. I am trying to get him to start a Youtube. He can sang, not just sing and he loves to children enough to work in the thankless, but rewarding career of education. His is my friend and I am grateful to him for sharing his story. Enjoy!
What makes you proud of being a Black man?
There is a resilience it takes to be a black man today. The ability to get up every morning and shake off what the world throws at you and go and fight another day. I see the things that black men have created for me. The spaces they made and the resilience it took to stand up. I’ve embraced everything about me regardless and that relentless zeal makes me proud that I can look in the mirror everyday and fight for the life I desire.
What brings you joy?
I really get joy from seeing the people I love being happy. To see them living and fulfilling their dreams, doing something they love. It’s the look on their faces. The sparkle in their eyes. Seeing that in other people brings me joy. Also creating things brings me joy. Whether music, art, writing. It all sparks for joy for me.
What does vulnerability mean for you as a Black man? Do you feel you can show your vulnerability as a Black man?
Being vulnerable is the freedom to express whatever emotion you feel. Anger.Sadness. Excitement. Fear. It’s the ability to understand that those emotions exist, to recognize, and to honor them when you feel them. As a black man, it hasn’t always been easy to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is seen as a sign of weakness, but it really isn’t. It takes great strength to be vulnerable. I have the privilege of having a tribe around me who allow me the space to be vulnerable. Building that tribe of people took time, but it gave me a safe space when the world didn’t always have space for me and my larger emotions. In that space, I can be vulnerable with all my emotions. It public, larger feelings are not always welcome. After the Capitol Insurrection, I was angry, but showing rage is a “luxury afforded only to white men.” Public anger is not an emotion I can always afford.
How do you show up for yourself?
It starts with self-care and affirmations. I take time to set boundaries and do for me. I got to therapy once a month and group mindfulness sessions every week. I create space for art. I enjoy my work but I set clear guidelines for what I can and cannot do in a day. I spend time with people who make me feel good. I listen to my body, and most importantly (I cannot express how important this is) I drink plenty of water and mind my own fucking business. I keep my stress levels down and my anxiety under control by focusing on things within my sphere of influence.
Has this experience impacted you in some way?
I think this experience allowed me to see myself in a full authentic way. I was able to be myself in a way that both beautiful and masculine while being vulnerable and open. Olesha is such an amazing host and she let the conversation flow. I felt heard and seen. It felt comfortable.
What do you want other Black men who are considering doing the project to know?
Do it. The space is amazing and you’d be doing yourself a disservice by not participation. It’s an amazing experience and I learned so much about myself.
View images from other participants of The Negus Project:
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A year in review
Whew child! 2020 has been a year where I have stepped fully into damn myself. No longer worried about what others think of me and how I express myself. It has been a year for telling my story on my own terms. Embracing my spirituality and growing into my relationship with my Ancestors. Realizing that I have to be honest with myself, even when it hurts. Healing is a journey, even when you think you are finished, there is always more.
This year has also been the year for asking for help and building community. Being dependent on others and allowing people in has been a struggle. Not just a struggle, but a strug-gleee! Past trauma does that to us if we are not careful. Our past will show up in the present as self-sabotaging behavior or imposter syndrome and we don’t even realize it. I am grateful to my Ancestors and the Creator that amazing sister-friends are in my life who give it to me straight, no chaser! The end of 2020 has been emotional, but very much needed. A purge of my past to bring forth the love, sisterhood, and abundance I deserve.
Now that, that is out of the way, this has been a year of self-portraits for me. Honestly, it has helped me be a better boudoir photographer when I practice posing. It has also helped me get in touch with my inner goddess, sensuality, and sexuality. Check out my Tulum selfies here. My phone has been my self-portrait camera, but I decided to take it up a notch and use my baby with it’s self-timer. I plan to make this a monthly personal project and at the end of 2021 see my progression. Enjoy and Happy New Year!
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Ms. A- Fifty & Fine
Ms. A just celebrated her 50th birthday. I said MS. A JUST CELEBRATED HER 50TH BIRTHDAY! She looks damn good and I hope to hell I look half as good as she does at her age. I hope I have her courage, beauty, and joy when I get there. I am honored that she allowed me to be apart of her special day. Enjoy her beauty and how her experience was in her own words!
Check out Ms. A reacting to seeing her products & follow too!
Why would you suggest every Black womxn do their own boudoir experience?
It’s an empowering uplifting experience. It will help you tap into your sexy and embrace yourself.
Do you believe your boudoir experience empowered you? If yes, please explain.
Absolutely! I felt beautiful, sexy and comfortable in my skin.
What is one thing you would tell other womxn to do during their boudoir experience, that you wish you had done?
Use your imagination.
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Cherry Blossom Intimates Collaboration
There comes a time in your life when you have to pursue your dreams relentlessly. Go after what you want with an unwavering dedication to the most important person in your life, yourself. I thought I had been slacking because I felt like there was no progression happening for me. I felt like I was stagnant and everyone around me was moving at full speed with their business. I was feeling down and not motivated. Then something amazing happened!
Let me talk about the power of manifestation and visualization before I tell you a little story. I was visiting one of my favorite stores, Nordstrom Rack, and I saw a sign in a window. Cherry Blossom Intimates coming soon. The sign stated they were a lingerie store and I got so excited! I immediately envisioned myself working with the business. I even took a picture and sent it to my sisters.
Fast forward to the opening day! I went to Cherry Blossom Intimates the first day it opened. I came to the door as they were closing and saw the closed sign and turned away. Jasmine saw me and assured me it was okay and to come in. I was so captivated by the gorgeous space I did not know where to look first! They have a pink moss wall and the lingerie was so decadent and luxurious! I met Dr. Hampton as well and heard the story of why the business is so necessary. I was so elated to see this gorgeous space owned and curated by two Black women that is for us! Not just for us, but the most vulnerable among us.
I am now collaborating with Cherry Blossom Intimates! Can you believe it? I used the power of manifesting and persistence to welcome this opportunity into my life. Check out our latest collaboration which is a package that includes curated lingerie, a personal lingerie fitting and boudoir experience! View the full package here.
