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Imposter Syndrome
Sometimes imposter syndrome can sneak up on you. Even though you know your shit!
I am a part of an amazing cohort of Black Womxn business owners and we got to attend the National Minority Supplier Development Council’s conference in New Orleans. The amount of absolutely powerful and talented Black folxs I met in those 48 hours was mind-blowing.
So mind-blowing that I started to doubt myself.
Am I enough to be in their presence?
My boyfriend set me straight immediately with a phone call, I needed that boost! -
It’s my birthday!
Every year on my birthday I do a self portrait series. Sometime I will share the images and other times it’s just for me. This year I decided to share my images because of a conversation I had with my sisters. We spoke about the way Black Womxn cannot have ownership over our bodies. I said people believe the fewer clothes you have on the less respect you should receive. If you are twerking in your videos you deserve to be degraded or called foul names.
My body is mine and twerking is an act of reclamation. If I am made in the image of the Creator then my body, our bodies are perfect. There is freedom and liberation in knowing this. Plus having that fuck it in your system when people have something to say. Enjoy this Golden Goddess self-portrait series.
If you are interested in having your own Golden Goddess Portrait Experience click here.
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Jamaica Retreat
WE WENT RAFTING! I went to Jamaica and ain’t get my groove back!
I was invited to Jamaica by Tinashe Musiyiwa of TinTrips to host a self-love workshop based on my Reinvention Workbook Journal. This was truly a first for me because all my workshops have been virtual since the pandemic started. To see my photo dumps reels click on the links:
I went to Jamaica and did so many things I have never done before! I went horseback riding and my thighs were not ready. We did this on land and in the ocean. The ocean ride was an experience because I was not on a saddle and my horse was done with everybody! The guide tried to get him to go right and he said naw fam I am going back to the beach. It was exhilarating because the horse is such a majestic animal and then you see all that floating shit.
I remember my barber once told me he did something similar on vacation. He said if you ever do it DO NOT BE THE LAST HORSE! On the walking trail, I was the last horse and there was manure everywhere! I made sure not to be last in the water because shit floats. Made sure you stick that little piece of advice in your back pocket for later. You’re welcome.
Yes I have on water shoes and yes I was scared! 
After the horses, we went on the 4 wheelers, something else I had not had the pleasure of doing before. Another word of advice, people who drive like assholes in their cars do the same on the 4 wheelers. The person behind me kept bumping me. She said, “This is how I drive at home. I stay on people bumpers!” I am a cautious and respectful driver so I kept a good distance. I did turn around and give her the evil eye. She just laughed. (insert eye roll)
I really love how my breast look here. You see the bumper chaser behind me! 
THIS IS THE PERPETRATOR! That is how they drive in St.Loius I guess lol The third part of our excursion was the zip line. It truly felt like the harness was assaulting my pelvis and vulva. I was so glad I didn’t end up wearing denim shorts. I would have had the worst wedgie in my life! Climbing the platform was scary. The platform was shaking and we had to walk single file up the steps.
Once I made it to the top the view was so beautiful. I saw the ocean, the trees, the white lady that was taking pictures and videos of us without permission. I watched about 8 people do it before it was my turn. I still was not ready! The instructor told me I had to sit, I refused. Why I have no idea, my brain went into protect mode maybe.
I did make it across and you girl did not scream! Not sure why this is a badge of honor for me, but I’m a take it. When I got to the 2nd to last zip line my voice got super high, probably from the adrenaline rush, and the guide imitated me. That was not my best moment. Other than almost losing my legs on the last one I had a good time!
To round out the entire day we got on a party boat. Now I have been to one of these in DR and it was lit! So I sorta knew what to expect. What I did not expect was for Mother Nature to play us and drop that temperature and the sun go behind the clouds.
We were supposed to go snorkeling and if you know anything about me, I am always cold. So, I declined, even though I really wanted to go. Peer pressure is a beast and the women I was with egged me on. So glad I did it, cold and all. I got to hold a sea urchin and sea slug and to see a small school of fish. It was worth it and the sun came back out when we got on the boat.
Now, this is when the party started. As I said before I have been on a party boat, and you had to walk to the bar to get drinks. On this boat, they brought the pitcher to us. Not only the pitcher but also shots. It was such a nice experience to sip on a drink and watch the waves.
They told him it was birthday and he was singing to me This is something I want every Black womxn to experience a few times in their life. I am currently working on building retreats for 2023 and beyond that take us all across the world. If are interested in being a part of this experience click here.
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6 years in the making
*TRIGGER WARNING*
Facebook does an amazing job of reminding you where you were when your life changes. Sometimes for the better and sometimes it could have been the worst day of your life.
6 years ago today my life changed dramatically. I was living in my own Lifetime Movie. I was driving home to Baltimore and was in a major car accident. Two weeks prior I had miscarried twins.
My car was clipped and I spun out across 4 lanes of traffic. I flipped and the only thing that saved me from continuing to flip was an exit sign on the highway.
Shook doesn’t even begin to describe my feelings. The car had to be stabilized and I had to crawl out the broken back window. When I saw my car, I couldn’t believe I was able to walk to the ambulance.
After I got over my shock I was mad as shit. I had just paid off that damn car the month before and had a full tank of gas. Now my car was totaled.
To round this all out I found out, that same day, my ex-husband had betrayed me and was on a cruise with someone else. The only word I can use to describe this time in my life is numb.
Healing Takes Time
I choose myself after 6 months.
I forgave myself after 2 years.
It took me 3 years to love myself.
It has taken 6 years to get me to this point in my life where I truly feel grateful to me, for not giving up on me.
Facebook reminded me today with this post that it has taken 6 years to get here.
Healing from multiple traumas takes time. It’s not a one-size-fits-all. Some people never truly heal. They just learn to live in a perpetual state of survival.
I could have done that. I wanted more for myself.
Whomever you are I want more for you. I want you to move into your version of thrive mode. I want you to know it is possible. Yes, there will be challenges, but the rewards are so much sweeter.
I want you to know I know you can do it. It has taken me 6 years to get here.
If you are interested in learning more about my story and starting your journey on self-healing start here.
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Juneteenth Remembrance -Rest
Juneteenth remembrance should be a day of rest. Rest is something that I have had problems with. Burned out does not even begin to describe how I felt being an educator and a business owner. The bags under my eyes, my skin, and my body all told the story. Trying to be my Ancestor’s wildest dreams I forgot that their major dream was to rest. To have a choice on when to work. Working hard is ingrained into our DNA. I am making a choice to not only rest in remembrance of Juneteenth, but to rest when my body tells me to.
Our Ancestors wildest dream was to rest.
Our Ancestors wildest dream was to laugh without punishment.
Our Ancestors wildest dream was to create just for themselves.
Our Ancestors wildest dream was freedom.
When we hustle hard, push through, and make a way we are only honoring one part of our Ancestors dreams. Today take time to rest in their honor. Take time to call family and friends to check in. Take time to create. Take time to do anything that gives you pleasure.
How are you honoring your Ancestors today?
The Juneteenth Affirmation is from Julia Mallory, Black Mermaids
